the dam breaking

just ask,

what is the plan for moving forward?

if you need to revisit your childhood, how committed are you and how many people do you need to go with you?

how are you going to resolve competing memories?

how are you going to handle blame assignment?

what if plan A was to move forward with contingency plans for dealing with things the pop up when triggered?

are you functional?

do you have a realistic sense of personal economics and personal responsibility?

keeping it simple,

where are you?
where do you want to go?
how do you get there?

from this simple foundation, you can build a life. if you need help, it is available, but not necessarily automatic. whether you need a therapist, life coach, or a shelf of self-help books, there are resources that can help you plot your course and develop contingency plans and strategies for dealing with the potholes and speed bumps that will inevitably block your way.

there are some things that are painful to accept, but necessary, if you want to get where you want to be.

accept where you are from and who you are. you can’t change where you are from and you probably don’t need to change who you are.

focus on where you are going. not where you’ve been or where you are, but on what you have to do to move towards your goal.

focus on doing, moving, going, working. focus on being an action verb.

you don’t have to explain who you are or why you are. you don’t owe anyone an explanation. your actions will speak for themselves.

be defined by what you do along the way to where you are going.

HOWEVER…

while it is easy to say, “focus forward”, that doesn’t mean that you can easily ignore who you are and where you’ve been, not should you turn a blind eye to the negative parts of your past. but, to be fair to yourself, you really should attempt to balance the bad with the good. if you believe that the bad is what is holding you back, then look for the good that can help you move forward.

what are some of the things in your life that you have accomplished?

who are some of the people in your life that have had a positive impact on you?

what are some of the positive events that you have experienced?

in the end, it all comes down to you. while you don’t necessarily have control over what comes into your life, you do have control over what you hold on to and what you do with it.

a footnote: i don’t know what would be worse, dealing with a dark, unknown past or being caught in an out-of-control present. read the comments on this post that deals with daughters trapped in abusive relationships. heartbreaking.